Doctor, my butt hurts

After a month of suffering pain from what I assumed was hemorrhoids I decided to go to the doctor. Of course you can't get in to see the doctor, you have to see a nurse practitioner.
This nurse practitioner scolded me for not coming to the doctor when I was feeling well, and came very close to accusing me of getting prescriptions from various doctors. Then she diagnosed me with an internal hemorrhoid. She referred me to a surgeon.
At the surgeon's office I had the most painful examination in the world. And the surgeon told me that what I did have was a fissure. This would be repaired with surgery called a sphincterotemy. They cut your sphincter muscle, and stitch it back up. This was to be accompanied by a colonoscopy. Yippee.
The day before the procedure I was allowed to have one boiled egg before 8 a.m. and then only broths, clear liquids, and Jell-O (but not red or purple) for the rest of the day. At 4 p.m. you begin the clearing out of your colon. First you take 2 laxative pills. Then an hour later you begin drinking your 2 litre bottle of halflytely. 3 glasses in I threw up. It took me most of the night to drink nearly all of the jug. I went to bed, and at 1 a.m. woke up with a rather alarming heart beat. It was beating irregularly, and fast. I couldn't count it. At 2 a.m. I woke up my husband and off to the ER we went.
200 beats per minute is what they clocked me at. And after three separate IV drugs, and 2 oral drugs, at 7 a.m. my heart rate was still 145. The cardiologist called and immediately my heart rate dropped to 88. And normal. So now they decide to continue with my surgery. They discharged me from ER and wheeled me to the outpatient surgery and slapped me onto another bed.
I can honestly say I will never ever do prep for a colonoscopy again, so it's a good thing they did it that way.
I can also say my butt no longer hurts.
And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go back to the nurse practitioner for anything ever again.
In the meantime I'm only one quilt block behind.